Scurvy: The Silent Epidemic Devouring Our Youth
Scurvy was once limited to sailors and explorers. Now it plagues teenagers and broke bachelors living on instant ramen.
Limited time: Get our FREE "Ramen No More" Guide
3,847
cases detected this week
About the Epidemic
Scurvy was once a disease of the high seas. Brave sailors lost teeth, bled from their gums, and grew too weak to plunder. But today, the real victims are right here at home.
College students
Surviving on $1.29 noodle packs
Broke bachelors
Fridge contains only energy drinks and regret
Remote workers
Haven't seen a fresh orange since 2022
Gamers
Consider Mountain Dew a vegetable
Every day, thousands of young people wake up with mysterious fatigue, irritability, and an inexplicable craving for limes. This is not normal. This is scurvy.
Help us end this epidemic. Your monthly donation of just $5.99 can provide vitamin C awareness to at-risk youth.
Donate Now — $5.99/MonthTools to Assess Your Personal Risk
We have built a frankly excessive number of quizzes, surveys, and self-assessments. Pick one.
Is It Scurvy? Quiz
Eight questions. Brutal honesty required.
Risk Profile Assessment
Find out where you fall on the citrus-to-pirate spectrum.
Which Fruit Are You?
Orange, lime, kiwi, or grapefruit. Only one is correct.
Warning Signs Generator
Tick the boxes. Face the truth.
Citrus Preparedness Survey
Form NCP-1973. Filed annually.
Sign The Pledge
A binding agreement between you and your gums.
Glossary of Terms
What is 'spicy water'? We can explain.
The Numbers
Charts. Figures. Mild fabrication.
Stories of Hope (and Citrus)
I used to think my depression was from finals. Turns out it was scurvy. Thanks Stop Scurvy!
— Chad, 19, English major
My son went from eating only Takis to eating Takis and an orange. A miracle.
— Karen M., Concerned Mom
As a broke bachelor, I never thought I'd afford to fight scurvy. But for $5.99 I can pretend I'm doing something good with my life.
— Derek, 28, Discord mod
Act Now — Scurvy Doesn't Wait
For a monthly donation of just $5.99, you'll receive:
Exclusive "Teenagers & Scurvy" Guide
A comprehensive PDF to save your loved ones.
Weekly Vitamin C Memes
Laughter is the second-best medicine after citrus.
Digital Badge
"I Supported Citrus Awareness" for your socials.
Warm Fuzzy Feeling
Know you're better than your roommate who still won't buy fruit.
Words to Live (and Not Get Scurvy) By
Scurvy doesn't care about your vibes.
Real men eat oranges. Legends donate to Stop Scurvy.
Don't let ramen win.
Vitamin C: It's not just for sailors anymore.
Help Us End This Epidemic
Or at least help us pretend to. Either way, your $5.99/month funds pamphlets, dramatic emails, and one very expensive office orange.